I started my Colorguard career in the seventh grade. Good old Wells Middle School Marching Band. That is when I started my guardie life.
Because you never really stop being a guardie.
Because you will always walk in step to the background music at the mall.
Because you will always do a mental run through when a past show song comes on.
Because you always think of gym floors and electrical tape first- gun second- when someone says rifle.
Because you never really get over lugging the hugest heaviest painted tarp that your best friends have had their dirty feet, sweat, and blood all over- over your shoulder.
Because the first time you see a winterguard show, it changes you.
Who can watch Logan and not feel something change inside of you?
Or Inmotion.
Or Santa Clara Vanguard.
Or Pride of Cincinnati.
Or which ever amazing flawless show you saw first.
Beacuse something from that show changes you.
It's the part of you that realizes that you are apart of something bigger than yourself. It's the part of you that realizes that you can work hard and accomplish the impossible.
It's the determination inside of you awakening.
And that's why once you've spent a year in the winterguard world, even just the smallest sliver of yourself stays there. And unless you've experienced it, you can never really understand it.
Because your teammates are closer than family. They are apart of you. Even if it's just for a flag feature, all of you are doing the same exact thing. Every second of every count- your movement, your flag, you breath, your emotions, your exhation level. All of it is the same. And that's not something you share with just anyone you know. It's something you've shared and created over what seems like a lifetime...(was it really only 6 months for one show?... if that?)
I miss it. I've been married almost 5 years. I have two kids. And I miss it. All of it. Every life consuming practice. Every push up in rifle block. Every across-the-floor. Every bruise. Every tear. Every moment of drama with that one teammate.
I just miss it.
And that's why I've been looking into being an instructor at my old middle school.
But unfortunately (not really, we need to move) we are now trying to get a job out of state. Normal people can't afford to live here.
But what would I give to stop time. Stop time and go back to the DHS cafeteria and spend three hours listening to the same 30 seconds of Listen to your Heart over and over again until we perfected every second of every 8 count.
It wouldn't be the same. It could never be the same. We've all changed so much. We are college graduates. We are married. We have children. We have careers. We don't have nearly as much teen angst. We've moved on. We are different people. We haven't talked in years.
But am I crazy for believing that some how we are still connected?
That in a strange way when something fantastic or awful happens to any one of you, I feel like I'm just as excited or devastated for you as if we were still best friends.
I feel like, at least on some level, I know how you must be reacting, what you must be thinking.
Because I used to know you that well.
And maybe I don't anymore.
But I hope you still feel a connection to me.
Because we all used to be connected at the brain.
Or heart.
Or hip.
Or bruise.
Because we were more than just good friends. We were guardies.
And we will probably never perform all together again. We may never be in the same room again either. Life has taken us all over. And I miss dancing, and spinning and living in the band room with you.
But because of Winterguard, I have some of the best memories.
And at least for me, that's enough.
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But I'm not going to lie, some mornings, when I have especially hard things to do, I wish I had my own announcer to say,
Is the guard ready?
You may take the floor in competition.
